Is Letting Go our underestimated Superpower for Growth?
ON A FALL WALK IN THE WOODS IN GERMANY, 2024
"The root of suffering is attachment.” (Buddha)
Endings aren’t just inevitable-they’re essential for renewal, growth, and expansion. Yet, we often find ourselves stuck in a limbo of attachment:
We resist the natural flow of life, worrying about losing what we have or not getting what we want.
This constant state traps us in a sense of perpetual insufficiency, pulling us out of the only field of action that matters: the present moment.
We create our lives both by what we hold onto and by what we’re willing to release.
We shape our reality through what we focus on-and what we allow to pass through.
We evolve by letting go of where we were just a moment ago, whether physically or mentally.
Letting go is the key to moving with the flow of life.
Mentally letting go can be the subtler-and often tougher-nut to crack compared to releasing material things. Yet it has a profound impact on our emotional balance, cultivating our ability to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting from old conditioning we are dragging along with us.
Letting go is closely tied to our overall well-being.
Stubbornly holding onto emotional turmoil, instead of letting it move through us, is often the surest recipe for trapping ourselves in chronic anxiety.
The Science of Breathing
The act of breathing beautifully illustrates the necessity of letting go.
I’m often reminded of this when I catch myself taking shallow, rapid breaths-inhale after inhale, without fully exhaling-unconsciously holding my breath during challenging moments. It can feel like I’m accumulating weight, making it harder to move forward because I’m not releasing the excess.
With each exhale, we're literally letting go of carbon dioxide—waste our body no longer needs.
This process is crucial for maintaining the delicate balance of gases in our bloodstream. It mirrors the larger cycle of letting life pass through us, balancing intake with release.
Stress-related, restricted breathing patterns-scientifically known as thoracic or chest breathing-can have several negative impacts on the body:
Reduced oxygen intake: Shallow breathing limits the amount of oxygen reaching our lungs, which can undermine our energy and focus for daily tasks.
Increased muscle tension: Shallow breathing overuses accessory muscles in the neck and chest instead of the diaphragm, leading to chronic tension and even pain.
Impaired carbon dioxide elimination: Incomplete exhalation makes it harder to expel carbon dioxide, disrupting the body’s natural balance and potentially contributing to feelings of anxiety or fatigue.
We can counter this pattern by taking deep, conscious breaths several times throughout the day.
Each full exhale becomes an opportunity to release not just carbon dioxide but also accumulated physical and mental tension, helping to balance our nervous system and restore a sense of ease.
The Cycle of Letting Go
In a consumption-driven world obsessed with amassing things and accumulating knowledge, letting go-of our points of view, past experiences, memories, acquisitions, and even ideas-becomes a kind of self-renewing detox routine.
What’s easy to overlook is the need to release our self-concept. We are living beings, constantly evolving-not fixed identities.
After all, it would be pretty unsettling if we had exactly the same knowledge or capacity to handle challenges as we did ten years ago. It’s a reminder that:
To evolve, we have to let go of the desire to stay the same.
Each moment presents an opportunity to loosen our grip on thoughts, emotions, and expectations.
More often than I’d like to admit-especially to myself-I catch myself drifting off, only to snap back and return to where I actually am.
Dr. Edith Eger, Holocaust survivor and psychologist, points out in “The Gift” that change is about interrupting the habits and patterns that no longer serve us.
Interrupting the habit of constantly being mentally elsewhere brings us back to living life where we actually have impact: the present moment.
If you often catch yourself ruminating on the past or anxiously anticipating the future, integrating mindfulness can help bring your attention back to now.
When we observe our minds more consciously, we start to notice just how often we drift, highlighting this truth:
Letting go isn’t just about major life events; it’s a moment-to-moment practice that can profoundly impact our daily lives.
Ultimately, letting go as a mindset cultivates a sense of spaciousness, allowing for greater clarity when taking our next step:
Practices to Support Letting Go in Daily Life
Breathing exercises: Try techniques like box breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4). This method is used by military personnel and friends of mine with PTSD to manage stress and anxiety, and research confirms its effectiveness in calming the nervous system.
Meditation: Just 10 minutes a day-sit quietly, observe your thoughts as they come and go, and remind yourself to let them pass again and again. Even brief, regular meditation is shown to reduce stress and improve emotional regulation.
Journaling: Practice daily "letting go" journaling. Write about what you’re struggling to process and release-using the act of writing as a way to clear mental clutter and gain perspective.
Release attachment to specific outcomes: Practice focusing on the process, realizing we have limited control over most outcomes. For example, enjoy the preparation for a presentation rather than fixating on its reception.
Consciously transition: Before switching activities, take a moment to consciously let go of what you were just doing. Rituals like airing out a room or burning incense can help “clear the slate” and reset your energy.
Body scanning: Regularly check in with your body. Notice where you’re holding tension, and use mindful attention to invite release. Scientific studies show body scanning increases relaxation and self-awareness.
Declutter: Regularly clear out possessions you no longer need. Physical decluttering not only lightens your environment but also signals your mind that it’s safe to let go and make space for something new.
Living in the Present
By cultivating present-moment awareness, we can create a sense of timelessness, moving more naturally with the flow of life.
Instead of trying to manipulate time by “maximizing” it, we allow ourselves to fully inhabit and appreciate each moment as it unfolds.
Letting Go as Daily Practice
Sometimes, I catch myself not wanting to finish a book because I don’t want to leave that world behind. I hesitate to let go of the characters I’ve grown attached to, worrying I won’t find that same enchantment in the next story. But as the life-affirming saying goes:
“At times we have to let go of the good to get to the great.”
In my professional work, I’ve dreaded finishing projects more times than I can count. It naturally leaves a gap-a blank canvas-that can feel uncomfortable at first. This is the classic “dread of the empty canvas,” highlighting a common struggle:
Fear of the unknown: This fundamental human fear often keeps us clinging to what’s familiar, making it tough to embrace change.
Attachment to familiar patterns: Our brains are wired to seek comfort in routines and the familiar. Breaking these patterns can feel unsettling, and we often confuse familiarity with what’s actually good for us.
Discomfort with emptiness:
Many of us struggle with the idea of “empty space”-whether physical, mental, or emotional. This discomfort can drive us to stay busy or accumulate things, as a way to avoid facing a void that can’t be filled from the outside.Ego identification: We often tie our sense of self to our possessions, achievements, or ideas. Letting go of these can feel like losing a part of our identity, even though our true self is something deeper and less defined.
Embracing Endings
When I’ve stalled in a creative process, my dad-an artist-once told me, “Relax and throw away the rubbish and keep going.”
That advice snapped me back to what matters: the process itself, and the acceptance of endings as a natural part of growth.
Letting go of what’s been worked through is part of moving forward, much like how compost from fallen leaves eventually nourishes the soil for spring blooms.
Scientific research strongly supports the crucial role of letting go in health and renewal. At the cellular level, this is exemplified by programmed cell death, or apoptosis. Every day, billions of our cells undergo this carefully orchestrated process, making room for new, healthy cells:
The constant cycle of release and renewal is essential for our survival.
Without apoptosis, our bodies would accumulate damaged or unnecessary cells, leading to disease and dysfunction.
This biological process is a powerful metaphor for releasing what has served its purpose in all aspects of life.
The renowned Zen monk and teacher Shunryu Suzuki said, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”
It’s a reminder that clinging to accumulated knowledge can limit our growth, while being open to letting go of what we once felt certain about keeps our minds open to new possibilities.
Often, learning is less about piling on more information and more about continuous un-learning.
Letting Go of Ourselves
One of the hardest practices is letting go of the idea we have of ourselves-and the habit of constantly defining who we are.
Recently, a close friend pointed out that I often put myself in a box by pre-defining who I am, instead of allowing others to experience me anew, again and again.
I felt caught, but I appreciated the insight. It was an invitation to let go of needing to be any specific version of myself and simply be whoever I might be in each moment. It’s about releasing the illusion of control over how I might be perceived.
More crucially:
If we don’t let go of how we try to present ourselves, we risk being dragged along by that idea.
It can take a suffocating turn when we get locked into a fixed life story-one that eventually hijacks us, forcing us to keep up appearances at the expense of authenticity.
A friend recently explained how she felt stuck in an unhappy marriage of acclaimed social status which makes her part of a society she was always craving to be accepted by.
A friend recently shared how she feels trapped in an unhappy marriage that grants her the social status she always craved.
While she struggles to let go of the perks of her current lifestyle, she’s also painfully aware of the price she’s paying:
Trading authentic fulfillment for external validation and superficial comfort is a price that may be too high.
A Lesson in Letting Go Beyond Materialistic impact
I learned a powerful lesson about letting go when my father was in neurological rehabilitation after his coma.
I put his Rolex watch on him-the only expensive item he ever owned-hoping it might jog his memory. Unfortunately, it was stolen not long after.
For a while, I avoided bringing it up, since my dad hadn’t fully regained his memory. I was quietly hoping I might not have to face the conversation.
Eventually, though, he noticed. He mentioned that it was a beautiful watch he loved wearing, but also acknowledged that the simple replacement watch told time just as well. The experience reflected a universal truth: the importance of releasing attachments:
The benefits of Letting Go:
Reduced stress and anxiety: Letting go alleviates the mental burden of holding onto unnecessary emotional weight.
Increased mental clarity: Removing distractions creates space for focused and clear thinking.
Greater adaptability and flexibility: Letting go of rigid perspectives cultivates resilience and makes it easier to embrace change.
Improved relationships: Releasing old grievances or expectations fosters healthier communication and deeper, more authentic connections.
Enhanced creativity: Letting go of old ideas creates fertile ground for innovation and fresh inspiration.
Increased present-moment awareness: Fully inhabiting the current moment, unanchored from past or future, brings a richer, more profound experience of life.
It seems my dad did recognize himself through that watch in some way; but his creative nature has always been about working with things as they are-continuously letting go and making space for whatever he is currently experiencing, including the pain of release.
Ultimately, letting go means working with each moment-accepting ongoing endings as opportunities for new beginnings, and embracing constant change without seeking security in false solidity.
By exploring life with curiosity and trusting that endings will open doors to new ideas and unexpected expansion, we heighten our energy:
As we release what no longer serves us, we free up our full power for the present moment.
Have you asked yourself:
Are you scared of losing what you have?
Why?
Can you imagine that losing something makes space for a win?
Can you let each moment pass as it happens?
What do you need to release today?
How might your life change if you practiced letting go more consciously?