Is Letting Go our underestimated Superpower for Growth?
ON A FALL WALK IN THE WOODS IN GERMANY, 2024
"The root of suffering is attachment.” (Buddha)
Endings aren’t just inevitable-they’re essential for renewal, growth, and expansion. Yet, we often find ourselves stuck in a limbo of attachment:
We resist the natural flow of life, worrying about losing what we have or not getting what we want.
This constant state traps us in a sense of perpetual insufficiency, pulling us out of the only field of action that matters: the present moment.
We create our lives both by what we hold onto and by what we’re willing to release.
We shape our reality through what we focus on-and what we allow to pass through.
We evolve by letting go of where we were just a moment ago, whether physically or mentally.
Letting go is the key to moving with the flow of life.
Mentally letting go can be the subtler-and often tougher-nut to crack compared to releasing material things. Yet it has a profound impact on our emotional balance, cultivating our ability to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting from old conditioning we are dragging along with us.
Letting go is closely tied to our overall well-being.
Stubbornly holding onto emotional turmoil, instead of letting it move through us, is often the surest recipe for trapping ourselves in chronic anxiety.
The Science of Breathing
The act of breathing beautifully illustrates the necessity of letting go.
I’m often reminded of this when I catch myself taking shallow, rapid breaths-inhale after inhale, without fully exhaling-unconsciously holding my breath during challenging moments. It can feel like I’m accumulating weight, making it harder to move forward because I’m not releasing the excess.
With each exhale, we're literally letting go of carbon dioxide—waste our body no longer needs.
This process is crucial for maintaining the delicate balance of gases in our bloodstream. It mirrors the larger cycle of letting life pass through us, balancing intake with release.
Stress-related, restricted breathing patterns-scientifically known as thoracic or chest breathing-can have several negative impacts on the body:
Reduced oxygen intake: Shallow breathing limits the amount of oxygen reaching our lungs, which can undermine our energy and focus for daily tasks.
Increased muscle tension: Shallow breathing overuses accessory muscles in the neck and chest instead of the diaphragm, leading to chronic tension and even pain.
Impaired carbon dioxide elimination: Incomplete exhalation makes it harder to expel carbon dioxide, disrupting the body’s natural balance and potentially contributing to feelings of anxiety or fatigue.
We can counter this pattern by taking deep, conscious breaths several times throughout the day.
Each full exhale becomes an opportunity to release not just carbon dioxide but also accumulated physical and mental tension, helping to balance our nervous system and restore a sense of ease.
The Cycle of Letting Go
In a consumption-driven world obsessed with amassing things and accumulating knowledge, letting go-of our points of view, past experiences, memories, acquisitions, and even ideas-becomes a kind of self-renewing detox routine.
What’s easy to overlook is the need to release our self-concept. We are living beings, constantly evolving-not fixed identities.
After all, it would be pretty unsettling if we had exactly the same knowledge or capacity to handle challenges as we did ten years ago. It’s a reminder that:
To evolve, we have to let go of the desire to stay the same.
Each moment presents an opportunity to loosen our grip on thoughts, emotions, and expectations.
More often than I’d like to admit-especially to myself-I catch myself drifting off, only to snap back and return to where I actually am.
Dr. Edith Eger, Holocaust survivor and psychologist, points out in “The Gift” that change is about interrupting the habits and patterns that no longer serve us.
Interrupting the habit of constantly being mentally elsewhere brings us back to living life where we actually have impact: the present moment.
If you often catch yourself ruminating on the past or anxiously anticipating the future, integrating mindfulness can help bring your attention back to now.
When we observe our minds more consciously, we start to notice just how often we drift, highlighting this truth:
Letting go isn’t just about major life events; it’s a moment-to-moment practice that can profoundly impact our daily lives.
Ultimately, letting go as a mindset cultivates a sense of spaciousness, allowing for greater clarity when taking our next step.
Living in the Present
By cultivating present-moment awareness, we can create a sense of timelessness, moving more naturally with the flow of life.
Instead of trying to manipulate time by “maximizing” it, we allow ourselves to fully inhabit and appreciate each moment as it unfolds.
Letting Go as Daily Practice
Sometimes, I catch myself not wanting to finish a book because I don’t want to leave that world behind. I hesitate to let go of the characters I’ve grown attached to, worrying I won’t find that same enchantment in the next story. But as the life-affirming saying goes:
“At times we have to let go of the good to get to the great.”
In my professional work, I’ve dreaded finishing projects more times than I can count. It naturally leaves a gap-a blank canvas-that can feel uncomfortable at first. This is the classic “dread of the empty canvas,” highlighting a common struggle:
Fear of the unknown: This fundamental human fear often keeps us clinging to what’s familiar, making it tough to embrace change.
Attachment to familiar patterns: Our brains are wired to seek comfort in routines and the familiar. Breaking these patterns can feel unsettling, and we often confuse familiarity with what’s actually good for us.
Discomfort with emptiness:
Many of us struggle with the idea of “empty space”-whether physical, mental, or emotional. This discomfort can drive us to stay busy or accumulate things, as a way to avoid facing a void that can’t be filled from the outside.Ego identification: We often tie our sense of self to our possessions, achievements, or ideas. Letting go of these can feel like losing a part of our identity, even though our true self is something deeper and less defined.
Embracing Endings
When discussing stalling in a creative process, my dad once told me to “relax and throw away the rubbish and keep going.” It put me back in touch with work being about the process and accepting endings as a natural part of it—letting go of whatever has been worked through as part of overall growth. Similar to how compost from fallen leaves eventually nurtures soil for spring blooms.
Scientific research strongly supports the crucial role of letting go in health and renewal. At the cellular level, this is exemplified by programmed cell death or apoptosis. Every day, billions of cells undergo this carefully orchestrated process, making room for new healthy cells.
This constant cycle of release and renewal is essential for our survival. Without apoptosis, our bodies would accumulate damaged or unnecessary cells, leading to various diseases and dysfunctions.
This biological process serves as a powerful metaphor for releasing what has served the moment in all aspects of our lives. The renowned Zen monk and teacher Shunryu Suzuki stated that “in the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few."
It's a powerful reminder that clinging to accumulated knowledge can hinder our expansion, while being open to constantly releasing what we felt certain about opens up our mind to new possibilities. Often, learning is about continuous un-learning, rather than piling on more information.
Letting Go of Ourselves
One of the hardest practices seems to be letting go of the idea we have of ourselves and the habit of constantly defining ourselves.
Recently, a close friend remarked that I am often putting myself in a box of pre-defining who I am instead of allowing others to experience me anew again and again.
I felt caught but appreciated this insight; it was an invitation to let go of needing to be any specific version and simply be whoever I might be at any moment. Releasing an illusionary idea of control of how I might be perceived.
More crucially:
If we don’t let go of how we try to present ourselves in a specific way, we are at risk of being dragged along by that idea.
It can take a profoundly suffocating turn when we set ourselves up in a solid life-story that we eventually get hijacked by when having to keep it up.
A friend recently explained how she felt stuck in an unhappy marriage of acclaimed social status which makes her part of a society she was always craving to be accepted by. She admitted to struggling to release the perks of her current life-style, paying the price of exchanging authentic fulfilment for outer acknowledgement and superficial comfort.
A Lesson in Letting Go Beyond Materialistic impact
I had an interesting lesson about letting go when my father was in neurological rehabilitation after his coma. I put his Rolex watch on him—the only expensive item he ever owned—in hope it would jog his memory. Unfortunately, it was stolen shortly after.
I avoided addressing it for some time since my dad had not fully regained his memory, gambling if I might get away with not having to discuss the matter. Eventually, he became aware though and mentioned that it was a beautiful watch he loved wearing while acknowledging that the simple replacement watch told time just as well. The experience reflects a universal truth about the importance of releasing attachments:
Numerous benefits of Letting Go:
Reduced stress and anxiety: Alleviates mental burdens of holding onto unnecessary emotional weight.
Increased mental clarity: Enhancing cognitive benefits of removing mental distractions and creating space for focused thinking.
Greater adaptability and flexibility: Cultivating resilience as a key outcome of being able to embrace change and let go of rigid perspectives.
Improved relationships: Fostering healthier communication and the potential for deeper, more authentic connections.
Enhanced creativity: Releasing old ideas creates fertile ground for innovative thinking and fresh inspiration.
Increased present-moment awareness: Enhancing profound experiential richness that comes from fully inhabiting the current moment without being anchored to past or future.
It seems my dad did actually recognize himself through that watch; his creative nature has always involved working with things as they are—continuously letting go and making space for whatever he is currently experiencing, including the pain of release.
There are supporting practices to incorporate Letting Go into daily life:
Meditation: Try just 10 minutes daily at the same time. Observe your thoughts, as they come and go. Remind yourself to let them pass again and again.
Breathing exercises: Try techniques like box breathing (inhale 4 counts, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4). It's a method my military friends use to manage PTSD.
Journaling: Engage in daily "letting go" journaling exercises. Write about what you are struggling to process and release, allowing the actual writing process cleanse the mental disturbance.
Release attachment to specific outcomes: Practice focusing on the process, realizing we have limited control over most outcomes. For example, enjoy the preparation for a presentation rather than fixating on its reception.
Consciously transition: Consciously release what you were just occupied by to switch to the next activities without taking the past energy with you. You could try a ritual, like airing the whole room or burning inscents to “clear the slate”.
Body scanning: Take note of tensions in your body to release them. Simply acknowledging these tensions with mindful attention often leads to their release.
Declutter: Regularly declutter your possessions to release literal things and to lighten the vibe in your surroundings by making space for (breathing-)space.
The key is to make letting go a consistent practice woven throughout your day—starting small with one or two suggestions and gradually building habits over time while being patient with yourself throughout this process.
Ultimately, letting go means working with each moment—accepting ongoing endings as opportunities for new beginnings while embracing constant change without seeking security in false solidity.
By exploring life with wonder while trusting that endings will open doors for new ideas and unexpected expansion, we heighten our energy levels as we release what no longer serves us to serve the current moment with full power.
Have you asked yourself:
Are you scared of losing what you have?
Can you let each moment pass as it happens?
What do you need to release today?
How might your life change if you practiced letting go more consciously?