Why Do We Keep Repeating the Same Habits, Expecting a New Outcome?
(A coin in a fountain, habitually tossed, often before contemplating why.)
While it seems perfectly logical that acting the same way while expecting a different outcome doesn't add up, I frequently find myself trying with diligent stubbornness.
Owing it to my somewhat addictive tendencies, when I read I can have a hard time stopping, resulting in me going to sleep considerably late for habitually getting up at an ungodly hour. Researching into the wee hours on the screen reliably leads to me waking up with a headache, tired eyes, feeling overpowered by input before I even started, my body somehow numb from rattled sleep.
This usually has me vowing not to ever do that again—only to do it nevertheless.
Waking up in the known dishevelled state, I wonder why I am so stubbornly resilient to my own advice.
What is it that makes habits so easily stick, often without us even realizing?
And why are they so hard to shake – if even detectable?
Admittedly, habits can be incredibly useful shortcuts, helping us past overthinking our commute, workout routine, or which toothpaste to choose.
By automating our actions, we free up mental capacity available for what we want to put our focus on. I guess wearing the same simple uniform, like Mark Zuckerberg's t-shirt and denim or Steve Jobs's black turtleneck, was aimed at conserving the energy we spend on our appearance. However:
While automated actions enable us to perform routine tasks more efficiently, they just as much can have us mindlessly living on repeat.
Albert Einstein apparently quipped that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Despite its unarguable logic, it doesn't seem to stop us from habitually staying at it.
It's the pattern we fall into when snoozing too many times yet again, kicking off a morning of spilled orange juice on a freshly pressed shirt for a presentation, choking on our toast on the run, while frantically sending an email response to a wrong recipient, scrambling to get the kids to kindergarten on time.
It’s when we toss a coin into a fountain—a hopeful ritual, often performed mindlessly just because there are coins in it already.
The Three-Part Loop That Owns Us
The reason these patterns are so sticky, and why we often feel so powerless against them, is that our brain is designed to automate survival, creating what scientists call a Habit Loop.
As described by author Charles Duhigg, this loop has three distinct stages that run so fast we barely register them:
The Cue: The trigger that signals the brain to go into automatic mode (e.g., the sound of the alarm, the sight of a book, or sitting down on the couch after dinner).
The Routine: The automatic behavior itself (e.g., hitting the snooze button, opening the book, or grabbing the remote).
The Reward: The instant gratification the brain gets, which reinforces the entire loop (e.g., five extra minutes of sleep, the pleasure of a good read, or the mental relaxation from watching TV).
The real power of the Habit Loop is that your brain links an internal feeling—the emotional cue like boredom, loneliness, or anxiety—directly to the routine (e.g., reaching for your phone).
You often don't even realize you are feeling that underlying emotion; you just automatically execute the action.
This system is incredibly efficient, but it doesn't care if the reward is five minutes of poor sleep or a lifetime of healthy exercise.
If the brain links the reward to the routine, the loop tightens its grip.
This efficiency is why we can be so blind to our own behavior. The initial feeling or thought that led us to the book is long gone; all that remains is the automated chain reaction.
How Habits Quietly Shape Our Lives
Our day-to-day largely consists of automatic behaviors. It’s why we can unconsciously find ourselves almost sleepwalking through our task-chain.
On countless occasions they’re more of a reflex, while the boundaries to being compulsive can be fleeting. Mindless scrolling, putting sugar in our coffee, picking at our cuticles, or thinking we are at fault anytime something goes off-kilter in a conversation can rule our moves.
It's why answering an email or a text message right when it comes in can be more habitual than helpful. Which is why the good old adage of literally "sitting on your hands" for a moment can save you from shooting an answer into the virtual universe that you wished you hadn't a few minutes later. It’s why setting the send-out mode on a 10-minute delay or adding a “double-check” folder can save the relationships with your boss and your co-workers.
Our current culture of instant notifications for incoming messages and live-news feeds can, in a way, turn us into Pavlov's dogs.
Just like in the famous experiment that had the dog salivating at the sound of a bell, having countless notifications set up can easily get us hooked the same way, associating the sound with an expectation. It’s presumably what occasionally makes me jump into action mode when hearing the ping from another person's phone.
Why Habits Really Matter
Studies show that approximately 40% of our daily actions are habits rather than conscious decisions.
Understanding this mechanism can either propel us toward our goals or hinder our progress.
When spending our entire day on autopilot, we can get ourselves stuck in our own “Groundhog Day” without questioning the sameness of our actions, while habitually moaning about the lack of change.
In a way it´s a form of mental laziness when we default to reaching for our phones first thing in the morning, dump salt onto our food before trying it, or grab the remote control as soon as we walk through the door in the evening.
And while it may initially numb us to the day's effects by escaping unpleasant feelings, we simultaneously evade digesting what tends to inevitably plop up—reliably in the most unsuitable situations. It’s that lingering resentment we target at someone who doesn't have anything to do with the source of our stress, or the slight aggression hovering over my morning after my nightly book binging.
A friend told me the other day that she realized she always drinks wine when cooking now. What started as a ritual during a vacation, when embellished cooking was a highlight at the end of the day, persisted as a habit she no longer was aware of.
If we are conscious enough to catch ourselves, we can reroute from constantly reaching into the cookie jar, stop looking at our phone every time we are waiting in line at the supermarket, or refrain from seeking proof for our disadvantages as internal default chatter.
As the famous proverb points out, we take ourselves everywhere we go. It makes it profoundly relevant how we (self-) talk, listen, walk, sit, eat, and approach daily challenges.
What if We Could Exchange a Habit?
Many designers I’ve worked with were smokers who pondered whether it was the casual off-the-record chat with colleagues rather than the actual cigarette itself they were after.
Scientific research has consistently shown that it’s easier to replace a habit than stop one
It’s why methods like nicotine patches, which deliver the reward (nicotine) but replace the routine (smoking), have become so popular. This concept of replacement is what we're after.
I used to literally start to run when I felt discomfort creeping up—a somewhat paradoxical default setting when feeling myself spinning out of control. It’s why when observing myself wanting to speed up these days, I try to use the urge as a cue to stop right in my tracks, to figure if I’m intending to bolt from something or rather run to feel more relaxed.
Jon Kabat-Zinn explores in Full Catastrophe Living why it's insightful to examine where our urges come from, whether we truly know what we want, or if there are other options that might be more satisfying. The substitution is meant to replace an unwanted habit with another one that serves a similar function or cue.
In the case of the smoker breaks, in quite a few cases the cue turned out to be a need to interrupt the work and have some "off-grid" time with an understanding colleague to advance an idea and shake off anxiety blocking the creative flow.
A former team member upped the return on investment of exchanging smoking breaks with shared walks with an accountability partner by gathering the money she saved in a tin, adding up inspiringly fast to fund a weekend trip.
A friend of mine developed her own technique to curb her sugar habit by using a spoon in her coffee without actually adding sugar. The spoon became a sufficient substitute for her reflexive action, and she amusingly stirs the unsweetened beverage around from time to time to this day.
Inspired, I adopted this idea to stop compulsively listening to audiobooks while walking in the woods; I put in one earplug without turning on any sound. This gave me the security of potential access and a kind of soothing ear-pacifier. It allowed me to carefully confront the chatter in my head that I was initially trying to block out. Over time, walking in silence has actually become a need I crave, while I still have earplugs draped around my neck from time to time, as a backup.
It´s also proven effective to exchange my phone alarm for an analog clock beside my bed to keep myself from doom scrolling and snoozing in the morning as I need to get out of bed to turn off the ring.
Linking Habits: The Power of Stacking
It can be similarly effective to link a new habit to an existing one, a concept often referred to as "habit stacking." This looks like: always taking the stairs when bringing out the trash, or having a glass of water when having a coffee, or only ever eating at the table (instead of the couch, which triggers the reach for the remote control).
What if you decide to read one page instead of watching a reel by putting the phone into another room around a sensitive time? Putting your running shoes where you trip over them first thing in the morning, so you don't change your mind when searching for them? Following up with a kind thought every time you get stuck in negative self-talk?
As Aristotle famously stated: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
Every tiny link pulls you closer to where you want to be. It's where consistent changes can lead to significant results. The smallest move can compound to unexpected degrees over time.
It's like the often-used metaphor of an airplane slightly altering its course, as even a one-degree change makes a massive difference on a long-haul journey.
The Invisible Habits: Our Thought Patterns
The hardest habit to kick is the least visible one: our thought patterns—often deeply ingrained and hard to detect, as we are unaware of the inner dialogue we shape the energy of our day with.
It's what it means to be our biggest obstacle, telling ourselves very common stories like “I’m not enough,” “I’m not lovable,” or “It will never work out.”
It’s how we arrive at conclusions at times turning into self-fulfilling prophecies, as in “I will never be fit because nobody in my family is athletic,” or “I will never find a job, as I am not smart enough.”
Are you aware of how the messages you are constantly sending to your system function like an inserted chip sending out a pervasive vibration?
Are you constantly on the lookout for what is missing instead of focusing on what is there, creating an energy of lack?
Do you habitually expect something to go South, setting yourself up for the matching experience? Are you living that confirmation bias of finding evidence for what you are convincing yourself of?
What if you disarm your own inner warfare?
What if you counter every habitual negative comment you mentally make by following up with an encouraging one? What if, instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, you set your radar on the silver linings?
What if you decide that you will face everything life throws your way with curiosity instead of resentment? Changing your standing phrase of “I’m always unlucky” to “I’m curious to see what I might learn”?
What if you approach the world with the notion that people are inherently well-meaning? And if their behavior seems appalling, what if you give them the benefit of the doubt that it might just be a very challenging day for them?
What if the guy that just cut you off when changing lanes is stressed because his wife is severely ill, and he can't focus on the traffic as his life is a blur? What if the dog growling at you got beaten by his former owner and is still learning to trust on his path toward healing? What if you forgive yourself when speaking to yourself in a way you would never address a friend—and follow up with an upgrade after your self-imposed degradation?
Changing your habitual self-talk can transform your self-perception, confidence, and ultimately the quality of your life.
Consciously addressing the personal narrative you accompany your life with is you taking back the power to change your game.
Why Every Percent Counts
The power of habits extends beyond individual behaviors; they influence broader life outcomes as well. Studies in psychology often show that self-control—which is fundamentally tied to our ability to form and maintain habits—is a better predictor of academic achievement and life success than raw intelligence.
This means that consistent, disciplined habits often matter more for success than raw intelligence.
In a lot of ways, how we do anything is how we do everything.
As morning sets the tone for our day, establishing positive morning routines—like always making your bed, airing the room, meditation, or making tea before checking your phone—can significantly impact how you feel throughout the day.
The way you go to bed propels you towards how you feel when getting up, as I am learning along my reading binges unfathomably slow due to habitual resistence.
As behaviors are repeated, the neural pathways associated with those behaviors become stronger, making the habits more automatic and often harder to break. It's like paving a well-worn road in your brain, the way that trail through the grass becomes a default path when walked often enough.
In short, habits powerfully shape our lives. The consistent choices you make can lead to significant transformations in whatever direction you encourage them. Embracing this understanding is that empowering silver lining for you to take control of your habits and, in turn, your future, by how you act today.
Reflect and Act:
What habits quietly shape your everyday life? Are you even aware of them?
How much of the time are you acting on autopilot?
What specific habits do you want to cultivate or change in your life?
How can you create an environment that supports your desired habits?
What small, actionable steps can you take today to start forming better habits?