Who are we beyond all the labels?
WALKING THROUGH TOKYO, JAPAN, 2023
Lately, I've repeatedly found myself immersed in conversations about how many of us feel suffocated by a life defined by labels.
These labels, both external and internal, often stem from conditioned scripts we assume life should follow.
While labels—whether physical or mental—are useful for conveying information or making broad distinctions, they can also be dangerously overpowering or generalizing, obscuring a more nuanced reality.
When used as tools, labels can be as informative as they are misleading. Take, for example, the foggy area of greenwashing in marketing, which paradoxically clouds consumers’ understanding rather than clarifying product attributes.
This phenomenon extends beyond consumer goods, infiltrating various aspects of our lives—from our careers to our personal identities.
In Finding What Was Never Lost, Alexander den Heijer reminds us that we perceive reality through a filter of mental images. He questions how much of reality we actually see beyond the labels and images we project.
As we navigate a world increasingly defined by categories and classifications, it's worth examining how these labels shape our perceptions, decisions, and even our sense of self. It brings up the question:
To what degree are labels truly serving us, and to what degree are they limiting our ability to see ourselves and others clearly?
The Weight of Labels
Labels, whether political, personal, or religious, often oversimplify complex realities. "Liberal" or "conservative" labels can dangerously oversimplify ideologies, leading to stereotyping.
Categorizing personalities as "introvert" or "extrovert" usually overlooks human complexity. Religious labels like "Christian," "Muslim," or "Buddhist" can mean vastly different things to different people, sometimes fueling misunderstandings and even leading to discrimination and conflict.
While diagnostic labels in healthcare provide crucial frameworks for understanding and treating conditions, they can be a double-edged sword.
An ADHD diagnosis, for instance, can efficiently guide treatment, yet it may simultaneously risk reducing a person's complex behaviors and experiences to a single clinical definition.
When we identify too strongly with a diagnostic label, it can affect our self-perception and limit our expectations for personal growth and healing.
Recently, a friend labeled herself as "an anxious person," prompting a discussion about describing anxiety as something that shows up rather than defining one's entire existence.
Materialistically, labels have evolved beyond mere identification into powerful status symbols.
In fashion and technology, brand labels can dramatically inflate prices and shape social perceptions. This shift from information to fueling desire complicates our ability to make rational choices.
The most questionable aspect of branding ourselves is that we diminish our individuality when hiding behind “borrowed power."
As a fashion designer immersed in the world of desirable consumer goods for decades, I've observed numerous people with identical bangles, watches, suitcases, headphones, handbags, shoes, and garments featured in international ad campaigns.
While I appreciate beautiful products, I can’t help but wonder:
Why do we so willingly reduce our fabulously complex selves to externally driven molds—often at staggering price tags?
The Fluidity of Labels
Encouragingly, while labels are often perceived as fixed and definitive, their meanings can shift dramatically over time.
Tattoos are a current example. Once seen as markers of criminality or rebellion, tattoos have been recontextualized as mainstream symbols of self-expression, embraced by a broad spectrum of society, including celebrities and professionals.
Vintage clothing has evolved from being seen as "old" to becoming trendy "second-hand," encouraging a more sustainable lifestyle.
The slow living movement is challenging speed and quantity as the ultimate measures of success.
Efficiency over busyness: The old notion of equating hard work with maximum hours is being replaced by a focus on efficiency, with the realization that a balanced approach might actually increase both output and revenue.
Single-tasking is a personal favorite. I spent much of my life bragging about my apparent ability to multitask, overlooking research that shows, beyond simple chores, the brain is more occupied with rapidly switching attention than with being truly effective.
Staycations are redefining the concept of a "proper vacation" to include local experiences, part of a broader shift towards minimalism as a desirable lifestyle beyond aesthetics. It’s an inspiring mindset shift from "lack" to intentional living.
These evolutions demonstrate that labels are rarely solid—they can always be redefined.
As societal attitudes change, what was once stigmatized can become celebrated. This challenges our perceptions and encourages us to question the labels we apply to ourselves and others—and whether we should apply them at all.
Un-becoming: Remembering Ourselves by Stripping Away the Excess
Where we often don't look regarding labels is within ourselves.
Connecting deeply with ourselves flourishes when given space. This space is usually crowded out by non-stop busyness and the infinite number of labels we have attached to modern life.
After years of racing through high-pressure environments in the fashion industry, acquiring countless labels in the form of roles, experiences, and an excessive amount of literal clothes, I repeatedly found myself wondering:
If all this acquiring doesn’t make me feel more like myself, then maybe the acquiring itself might be the issue…
It started to bring up the question: What if being ourselves isn't about adding more, but about stripping away the noise and countless labels to feel more authentic and see more clearly again?
It’s almost as if the more we add, the more we forget who we are. Which brings up another question:
Is authenticity about remembering who we are beneath the layers of acquired labels and expectations?
Beyond the Labels: Discovering Authenticity
More often than I like to admit, I’ve felt that by getting lost in lifestyle choices and relentlessly rushing ahead, I was somehow living past something deeper.
Being lost in what I thought life was supposed to be started to feel like an unsettling betrayal of myself—uncomfortably bringing meaning to the words of the Irish poet, philosopher, and former priest John O'Donohue:
"One of the greatest sins is the unlived life."
It's revealing to question the importance we place on experiences and possessions. It can bring relief to ponder what we can do without.
Shedding layers often clarifies what is truly essential, much like lifting a veil of clutter to clear the view.
The words of Paulo Coelho resonate: it’s more about unbecoming than becoming—as if releasing labels helps us become more ourselves again, focusing on life as a journey of self-discovery rather than accumulation.
He wonders if our journey isn’t so much about becoming anything, but rather about unbecoming everything that isn’t really us—so we can be who we were meant to be in the first place.
This perspective on unbecoming resonated with me. Ultimately, being overwhelmed by excess forced me to question every label and explore with less - less acquiring, less accumulating, and less chasing after noise, to see what lies beyond.
Reframing Rejection
The greater wisdom of life pushed me to experiment with shedding several labels, as soon as I was open to receiving the hints.
Not so subtly, I was aided by being ejected from both a job and a relationship. Then came an impactful skiing accident, and, at one point, my dad was in a coma while my mom was in the hospital for a complex operation.
It took more than a few lessons to penetrate my stubborn mindset, but I finally realized: beneath all the labels, I wasn’t truly connected—to myself, or to the moment I was in.”
Turns out, the so-called roadblocks were actually disguised re-directions:
Sometimes, a NO is just a powerful YES in disguise, nudging us toward our most authentic path.
The journey of looking beyond the labels of a predefined way of living involves the challenge of confronting the disturbances created inwardly and outwardly.
There's the sting of rejection that comes with breaking away from the known norm, as well as the struggle to overcome the conditioning that dictates what we believe we must be or possess.
Additionally, there's the effort required to detach ourselves from the self-limiting narratives we've clung to over the years, which can be a tricky habit to break.
The Challenge and Reward of De-labeling
Stripping bare means feeling the whole range of emotions—from pleasant to unpleasant—that can easily be buried for decades under non-stop action.
It's a challenging journey to feel whatever arises fully, rather than running away from what is uncomfortable.
The Austrian poet and novelist Rainer Maria Rilke, who explored themes of subjective experience and existential questions, encourages us in "The Book of Hours":
"Let everything happen to you: Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final."
The discomfort of rejection and loneliness that comes from detaching from a labeled way of living is often why we struggle to leave a homogenous group.
At first, it can feel like being an outcast—forced to choose whether you’re fully ‘In’ or willing to pay the price of being ‘Out’ if you don’t conform.
When making the choice to drop the accumulated labels, we are asked to endure the space that opens up when we release the noise.
It takes courage and patience to find a balance between standing apart from societal norms and labels that give us orientation, and relating to others in a more authentic, interdependent way.
This transition can come with the challenge of loneliness, which is a different animal from standing alone:
While we instinctively want to escape loneliness, it actually points us back to ourselves—instead of into the ever-present distractions all around us.
At times, it is the biggest act of bravery to feel all the feelings and thoughts that show up when they are not covered up by our back-to-back actions.
It can be an act of human heroism to let ourselves be vulnerable, to be touched and even changed by letting ourselves be pierced by all that we are experiencing.
The Persian mystic poet Hafiz inspires us not to surrender to our loneliness too quickly, urging us to let it cut more deeply, poetically encouraging us to let it ferment and season us, as few human or even divine ingredients can.
If we can move beyond the discomfort of loneliness, we may discover unexpected treasures in being more connected with ourselves—standing alone, but self-sufficient.
The power of standing alone is about connecting with ourselves, confident in trusting our intuition and inner compass, even when we are in a crowd.
The Possibilities to be found Beyond
Society's checkboxes for success, akin to the labels we acquire, are largely determined through our conditioning. There may be surprising peace to be found beyond these external markers if we dare to question them.
Here are a few ways to playfully challenge the labels you’ve picked up along the way:
Explorations to challenge labels:
Introduce yourself differently: Engage with someone without mentioning your profession. This encourages exploration of other facets of your identity.
Try new experiences: Visit a restaurant or shop that you would typically overlook. This simple act can open your mind to fresh perspectives.
Practice mindfulness: Explore exercises that allow you to observe your thoughts without attachment. Doing the dishes or making coffee with full attention can be as effective as formal meditation in fostering awareness of how mental labels influence your self-perception.
Reflective journaling: Write about who you are beyond your typical identifiers. This practice can help uncover hidden aspects of your identity. Try asking yourself what you enjoyed doing as a kid for particularly insightful reflections.
Embrace your natural talents: Remind yourself of the effortless skills or passions that define you beyond societal expectations. Try reframing ‘if it feels too easy, it’s not worth it’ into ‘what comes naturally is worth leaning into.
Identify core values: Reflect on what truly matters to you, independent of societal roles. Make space by retreating into solitude to allow your intuition to surface and guide your journey toward authenticity.
There are impactful benefits of de-labeling:
Increased self-awareness and authenticity: By stripping away labels, you gain a clearer understanding of who you truly are.
Greater flexibility in self-expression: De-labeling allows you to express yourself in diverse ways, exploring different aspects of your identity without locking yourself into a specific one.
Reduced anxiety from societal expectations: Letting go of labels can alleviate the pressure to conform to societal standards as you remove yourself from specific comparisons related to family status or profession.
Enhanced connections with others: It becomes more about "come as you are," meeting yourself, people, and moments without a preconceived story, allowing for more authentic connection beyond surface-level identities.
Openness to new experiences: De-labeling cultivates a mindset that embraces new perspectives, encouraging exploration without the fear of judgment. It's essentially the road to more joy, as you don't lock it out by pre-defining what makes you happy.
Improved resilience in the face of change: By recognizing that your identity is not tied to specific labels, you become more adaptable and resilient when faced with life changes, allowing you to navigate transitions with greater ease.
As the innovative record producer Rick Rubin states in The Creative Act: A Way of Being,"approaching life without labels can be impactful, even leading to huge worldly success.
He encourages us not to assume any specific label before sitting down to create—even ones as fundamental as sculptor, rapper, author, or entrepreneur—pointing out that these labels might do more harm than good. It highlights the power of de-labeling:
In stripping away the excess, we might just uncover the life affirming realization of being enough as we are.
Ultimately, by daring to explore what is beyond all those labels, we can rediscover our essence. We may find that our truest selves emerge not in the roles we play or the labels we care about, but in the quiet moments of genuine presence and self-acceptance.
Have you also asked yourself?
What roles or labels do you cling to most tightly?
Why?
How would your self-perception change if you let go of your most cherished label?
What aspects of yourself have you neglected due to focusing on certain labels?
What do you truly need to be content versus what you merely desire?
What is the difference?